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Itapos;s a nice quiet morning.

Iapos;m tapping away, Master is reading -listening to music. We donapos;t do news anymore - as itapos;s just so ... not ...

Iapos;m concerned about the fire up here - and down in SD, too for that matter, but my God, you JUST�CANapos;T find any damn news. Not anywhere -

oh, you can find human interest - my heart strings have certainly been tugged -

but there doesnapos;t seem to be anything practical being voiced out there - no maps saying "damn - look how fucking huge this is" - itapos;s just a whirlwind of opinion and, well ... Wind.

Iapos;ve been fighting my 1150am addiction. I KNOW theyapos;re doing the same damn thing as the "right" is -

Yesterday I heard "some guy" take Rachel Maddow to task for being childish and silly - and therefore being on the same level as the people stirring up hate speak -

dear God - in any of this, whereapos;s the fucking news?

I love Dr. Maddow. She has a brain - and thatapos;s just so intoxicating ... But when the climate of the news reduces air time to THAT -

itapos;s just very sad.

Iapos;ll continue to listen to those with integrity - even when itapos;s on a childish level - if it wasnapos;t for the daily show and colbert, i think iapos;d have given up news entirely -

but -

Iapos;ve also dusted off the cd player in my car.

itapos;s time for music.

OR

oooohhh...

books on cd....

:-) ....

it could be a whole new world for me.

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I discovered yesterday that Iapos;m completely chained to my phone. I discovered it after I somehow lost it - and it popped up at a strangers house in Bell.

a) - how much do I give them for calling me?
b) - do I�even go get it?

c) - should I stop being so mistrustful?

this is just a kind soul, after all....


sigh.

life is funny.

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���� People piss the shit out of you sometimes. Mostly girls sad to say. You ladies might be a big part of a mans life, but a pain on the other side of that manapos;s life. All ex girlfriends should seriously "stop" stalking their ex. I am throwing this message out to a certain whatapos;s-her-name out there. Stop stalking me, and trying to prove a point. I will agree to be friends with you because you keep coming back, but donapos;t expect me to be your best friend or any of that bullshit. Oh the other hand, ex that try to act all high class, and cool to try to get attention. Please do stop. Stop trying to act like everyone likes you. No one likes you. I know I donapos;t like you. Thats why I left your ass, or when you left me I made no big scene over it. All you ex piss me off. I canapos;t imagine a time when I even had feelings for you. But not to offend anyone. Some ex girlfriends I still love with all my heart, and wished I never broke up with you. There rubs off a clue for my old east princess. I love her no matter what. If she is a ex or friend. I hope to move back to Germany to resume things, but sometimes I canapos;t. Sorry for this stupid blog thing. Or entry. I just wanted to point things out.

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Who do you work for?

Your company, your department, your boss, your employees, the consumer, the clients, your family, or you? For most people it's a combination of many of the above. When challenged though, what's most important? This is valuable information as you make decisions when challenge conventional wisdom, when to push back, when to stand up to leaders, how to approach problems, and how passionately dogged you should be when going against the grain.

Choose your battles wisely. Know when to pull back. Have an exit strategy. Know you can lose some battles and still win the war. Before you draw a line in the sand, know how far your willing to go before pressing on (are you willing to risk your job for this or do you just want your side to be heard?).

Make sure your argument, rhetoric and words match the size of your battle. Don't push all your chips into the center table for issue that isn't worth quitting over. Be calm, cool, collected. Rational arguments with alternate solutions will win more often than just saying no or characterizing an idea as foolish.

Think of this as first-aid for the office. You won't use it everyday, but you'll be glad you thought about the moment you enter a battle.�

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Today was difficult ._. Weapos;ve decided that my Vicodin is causing me pretty severe mood swings because Iapos;ve been going back and forth between being severely depressed and extremely happy...itapos;s driving me off the wall, which is just making me feel worse lol. And then I have this terribly decreased appetite, where just about everything I eat makes me sick...and Iapos;m exhausted all the time and am finding myself unable to do any work, so...yeah, I might have to go off Vicodin ._. Fortunately, my backapos;s been doing a little better? UGH Iapos;m so sick of all this retarded back and forth crap


Annie and I watched the Count of Monte Cristo today, which is one of my favorite movies <3 I havenapos;t seen it in a while, so it was fun watching it...omg, Edmund is SO HOT in the last big scene, after he shaves XD SO FREAKING HOT I CANapos;T EVEN STAND IT T_T


Kayla called me tonight while I was on my way to dinner, which lifted my spirits :) She always calls me after cons XD We talked for 20 minutes or so, which is a long time for me, and...she wants me to do Poison Ivy for her DC group at Ohayocon *_* I, uh...desperately want to do it, but I had to tell her that I canapos;t promise anything, because I have to save money for Greece ;__; But omg, Iapos;ve totally thought about cosplaying Poison Ivy before, but donapos;t really know anything about the DC universe, and was not sure Iapos;d make a good one...but Kayla seems to think I would ^^; Gaaaaaaaah...u_u I want to SO BADLY. But if I did any new cosplay for Ohayo, itapos;d be Shego or Jezebel first, since I promised Lauren Iapos;d do those...and I still really want to do those, but I donapos;t even know if I can afford them, either ._. I probably canapos;t =/

In two weeks (when I get paid next) I will have about half of the amount I wanted to save for Greece for meals and personal expenses (which I am paying for myself, while the rest of my family provides the actual cost of the trip)...so I might be able to afford one new costume for Ohayo, but gaaaaaaaaah, I really donapos;t know x_x I think Shego would be priority since Iapos;ve already ordered the wig, and Kayla confirmed that sheapos;s doing Kim Possible, and Laurenapos;s already got most of Ron done...but Shego stresses me out just thinking about it, because Iapos;ve never done anything with a body suit before (which, btw, are expensive in the first place) and Iapos;m not sure how to add the green parts...x_x I donapos;t know what Iapos;m going to do.


Also, school is sort of iffy right now. Iapos;ll keep you updated >_>

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Mine, are amazing.
Iapos;ve never felt so content in my life.
I canapos;t wait till next years over so I can see the people I want, when I want. Not the people I have too.
I find it so sad, that I have to try and prove myself, what I do and who my friends are to certain people. People I shouldnapos;t have too. apos;cos they choose to think that because I go Bang instead of Famous or a show instead of some lame party, I mustnapos;t have fun. Fuck, Iapos;m sorry sweet heart but if you could only party as hard as us and experience as much as I have. Iapos;m sorry your stuck in your insecure life and thrive of my life, like youapos;ve sadly admitted to doing... Must really fucking suck.
Today so many people messaged me saying apos;I read your LJ, haha best.apos;
and Iapos;m thinking, I should really be embarrassed for my state Friday night.
And in some aspects I am, but all I can do is laugh.
Fuck it, I have fun, itapos;s what Iapos;m good at.
I got the best surprise when I got home from work tonight.
Jamie a friend I met when I was overseas whoapos;s from Seattle and KeeJason whom I also met both emailed me. It was the best feeling, and sooo good to hear from them. God I love what traveling brings you.
Four more days not having ANYYYYY money apos;cos hellllo pay day. thatapos;s exactly what I hate about travelling, when you return to not having worked for weeks. Worst.
Also, I love the fact that whenever I go to a friends house, they put Alexis on. Itapos;s so funny, but the best. And Gladz, you absolutely suck believing I had no idea that it was them playing "Oh, itapos;s Emery yeah?"
44. Caliber Love Letter just to be specific ;).
Like I said, Iapos;m good.

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Everything is getting better, i love it.

the day before yesterday i hung out with teresa mandi, we walked all the way into tonawanda at 11 to find out that burgerking is closed... And mcdonalds. Sooo we go to mighty taco buy 6 cookies. Lmao.
then on our way home we see those orange street cones decided to take it home with us, funny shit. You donapos;t even knowww. Then....we got drunk walked to tops we get pulled over by the cops, it was NO GOOD.

theeeeeeeeen yesterdaaayyy i went to kelly jakeapos;s house, both who i missed very muchhh. I met kellys boyfriend, greg, he smelled really good lmao, creeeeep. :D went home, smokeddd ended up on the phone with nate...i donapos;t remeber how or why by i just remembered talking to him.

hmm, 6 days untill my birthday :D which means 46 days untill i go to pa.
:D�:D�:D�:D

alex nico are sleeeping over todaaay. I missseded those boys.
iapos;ma make nico help me tape alex to the pole.
iapos;m excited.

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In spite of doing everything non-surgical I could possibly think of (suppression therapy with Armour, supplementation with iodine, vitamins, herbs, etc.), the nodule has suddenly decided to grow.��Itapos;s huge�� I just canapos;t ignore this thing anymore and the supplementation isnapos;t working anymore either.��Iapos;m pretty sure at this point itapos;s started putting pressure on other things in my neck.��Iapos;m getting pain on that side of my neck and my neck veins are popping out from time to time.��Not good.

A little background:��Discovered a 4.7cm nodule in my left lobe back in Feb 07.��I named it Herbie (donapos;t ask).��3 biopsies later (long story), ended up with a dx of suspicious for follicular neoplasm.��Herbie shrank at one point by a whopping 1.5cm��Unfortunately, I guess full reduction wasnapos;t meant to be.��TPO and Tg antibody tests were negative, btw.

It looks like Iapos;m facing the prospect of surgery.... Again.��Ugh.��Bear in mind Iapos;ve been fighting surgery since Day 1.��Honestly, the idea of surgery has scared me more than the thought of having cancer.

So I guess itapos;s time to put on my big girl panties and get this taken care of. *sigh*��

Iapos;m getting yet another ultrasound done on Tuesday, mostly to confirm my suspicions.��Currently in the process of scoping out surgeons at the hospital at UofPenn in Philly.

Itapos;s not as if I donapos;t have anything else health-wise going on either.���Iapos;m trying to look at this as one less thing to worry about once itapos;s taken care of.��Itapos;s not working.��Iapos;m scared.

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